Saturday, November 10, 2007

Susan Komen Race for The Cure

So, yesterday was the kickoff day for the Susan G Komen Three-Day. I went and waved the marchers on at an official "cheering station." I will try to get some pictures of the event's end tomorrow (from Petco park), and then I will make the big announcement.

How I intend to try and make Marcie a permanent (or at least lasting) memorial will be detailed and I will be on my way. I think those of you who do not know my plans will be interested, and those of you who do will get a chance to weigh in on an actual plan. More tomorrow...

Thursday, November 8, 2007

One Album Up And New Features

I have posted an album of high-resolution pictures of our Marcie for everyone to see, especially those of you who are far away or who have limited email capacity. I'll try to scan and upload every picture I have of her, dividing them eventually into different albums.

You can also just use the little album widget on the right side to see some pretty photos of my beautiful bride. Click on it to visit my albums and get high-res versions of the pictures.

I know I have been holding out on what my big plans are, and the fact is, the secret may have leaked out. However, I will let everyone know what I am going to do to honor our girl forever in the near future. It's big stuff, and I need to have my plan in place and my lists of things to do created and started.

I have added an email link on the comments form for personal communication. Click to leave a comment, then just use the email link above the comment field.

A Long, Empty Night

It's funny how the things we do to get by sometimes end up bringing us right back around to where we belong, whether we want that or not. Last night, I decided to attend the San Diego Press Club Awards, with the hope that a little camaraderie and noise would be good for me.

It worked for all of 10 minutes. I did talk to a lot of old friends and kept good face, but I had a hard time of it anyways. The first thing was my awards, which you can look up here. I realized, as I put on the little name tag with the place ribbons, that I would be proud of these as I showed them to Marcie, but that was not going to happen in this life.

I did enjoy the food, and I wandered around, reconnecting with old sources and colleagues. I started to leave but ended up speaking to Chula Vista Mayor Cheryl Cox for a bit, which was actually less difficult than sitting in the crowd inside. Thanks for the conversation, Cheryl.

As if to reinforce the idea that the awards had lost one of their most important contexts for me, a song sung in an alternately, artfully soaring and soulfully fading siren's voice played over the radio as I hit Pershing Drive. I should have changed the channel, but, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I pulled over instead and heard it out.

The Story
Brandi Carlile

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
And baby I broke them all for you
Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
Oh but these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you
Oh yeah and its true, that I was made for you

I'll probably buy the album. She sounds like someone Marcie would like hearing, despite her folk roots (which Marcie was very choosy in accepting from people). Call it a recommendation.


Tuesday, November 6, 2007

A Hard Day

Today has been one of the toughest "normal" days I have had since Marcie passed. I forced myself to go back to work on Monday, which has actually worked out by getting my mind on other things for a time during the day. However, this morning I simply did not want to do anything.

I got up and trudged in anyway. I worked on little things, caught up on some projects and set my mind to "work mode." I looked into grants for the school district's programs and lingered over dead ends. My heart wasn't into it.

I decided I was hungry today, for both food and a moment of Marcie, so I headed over to Lalo's Tacos (review), one of Marcie's favorites, for fish tacos with all the trimmings, another Marcie favorite.

I enjoyed it in a sad way, but I missed a meeting doing that, though it was rescheduled. I have to get it together.

I got back to my desk to find a message stating that Marcie's death certificates were available, which did nothing for me but cause me stress and make me not want to pick them up. It's a very official, coldly bureaucratic piece of paper that satisfies all of society's stingy and cynical paper potentates that our loss is properly documented and not subject to suspicion real, imagined or procured from spite.

Heaven forbid someone die without being allowed to by the powers that be, that collect and that jealously withhold whatever there is such an event entitles us to. Whatever it is, it certainly isn't dignity or respect.

More on what I will do as a permanent memorial for Marcie tonight.


Monday, November 5, 2007

Things to look forward to

Hello, folks.

I will be adding new elements to the site soon. I will also be disclosing my plans to further memorialize my baby, our Marcie, as I catch my breath. For now, some simple things I hope will help you all remember her, whether you were able to attend her remembrances or not, will soon be on the site.

Planned or in the works are the following:
  • A Photo Gallery
  • A link to an archive of printable photos
  • A flash presentation of the memory book from the ceremony
  • Fresher links with more relevance to grief, breast cancer, etcetera
  • More poems
  • Stories from friends and relatives about Marcie
Keep checking in. Much more is still to come.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

And Now I Wait

So the ceremony was wonderful, if tearful for me. Everyone was very understanding and let me stumble, choked up, over my thoughts and feelings. I closed it with a poem I wrote Marcie. I hope you all enjoy it. Personal or not, it is to be shared.

And Now I Wait

Sweet Marcie, know you why
Death came that night to choose you?
You were too young to die,
It was too soon to lose you.

Was there too much for us,
So heaven chose to take you?
A life so splendorous,
Did jealous fate forsake you?

So many things to do,
Such dreams we did endeavor.
And mine so built on you,
As love and wife forever.

Our pain of months and years
Overshadowed late that night.
When worst of all my fears,
You slipped beyond my sight.

It matters little dear,
I’m left without you, mourning.
To wander loveless here,
From shared voyage to sojourning.

I’ll never know your touch,
Never hear your voice again.
But what I’ll miss so much,
Is the warmth of you within.

Death was so hard on you,
You fought with all your mettle.
Then, sapped and harrowed through,
I watched your body settle.

You still live in my dreams,
I’ve seen you in your splendor.
Then I wake again, it seems,
And bitterly surrender.

A glaring sun’s new day
Will call for me, I reckon.
'Til then, I hope and pray
At night to hear you beckon.

There was more. If I decide to share those, I will mark them "Poetry:" in the title. Have a good night, folks. I am going over to take care of Marcie's mom.


We Have Sent Her Off In Great Love. Thank You.

Before anything else, let me thank Jane and Jason, Elaine (Jane's mom), Christi, Melody, Tanya and Shawn, and Lisa and Walt. You good ladies and gentlemen pulled off a wonderful feat of coordination. You will suffer visits from me, and Marcie too, I am sure.

The number of people who showed on such a dreary, cold November day for my baby's ceremony was touching and I want to thank you all. She loved everyone in her own little way, and almost everyone who was special to her was able to make it.

To the folks at the Union Tribune and at Signon, I can only say, "Thank You. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You." The money you donated will go to help defray costs of a greater memorial. I will post more details on that on a much calmer day.

To my friends at San Diego Unified, what can I say but, again, "Thank You." You humble me.

Art, Elizabeth, Jim and Mary, your presence was very reassuring to me at the ceremony. I was deeply touched that people who I have not known much more than six months would be so good to me. Thank you.

The wreath from the folks in the Financial Division was beautiful, and the messages in the cards, as well as the signatures, were indicative of how well you take care of each other. I am honored that you have taken me in. I will see you all soon, broken heart permitting.

To our family, a huge thank you. Mom, Bobby and Cindy, what a great boon you were to me this week and in supporting my baby as she fought for life. I love you all.

Gary, John-John, Leslie, Virginia, and of course, Dad, thank you for coming and celebrating my greatest love with me. She knows every one of you by name and knew something about all of you that endeared. She probably knew the names of the wives I am so terrible at remembering the names of, too. She knows how important you all are to me, and I am sure that she was deeply gratified to see you there. Our love to you all.

To my family who attended Nicole's wedding. Firstly Nicole, congratulations! I look forward to meeting the groom, and I trust you chose very well for yourself. My God, I cannot believe that I held you when you were a baby. To the rest of you, I totally approve and understand your choice to support our little cousin in celebrating a love I hope will rival Marcie's and mine.

To my friends Dean, Joey, Karl and Zandie (spelling?). Way to represent. You folks are the epitome of easy-going, blue-collar-roots class (even though you are techies and closet professors, too). I'll be calling for your help in the coming days. I know you'll answer.

Janet and Dave, Marcie always considered you the nicest of people, as do I. That you showed for this latest moment only reinforced that. I promise to uphold our tradition of low-maintenance tenancy and mutual respect as well as she established it.

To Rick Eaton, a good man, master photographer and a true stalwart. Thank you for the beautiful plant and for coming to support me. "One door closes and another opens," you said. Truly. Stay in touch and don't keep those pictures to yourself.

For those of you who have just gotten here, please read the archives. This did not start as a memorial. More will be posted later today.

If you went to the ceremony at Torrey Pines but did not come to the wake afterward, please contact me so that I can add you to the book of attendees. Also, everyone who is following this blog should send an email to frank(dot)pruett(at) OR frankORD(at)cox(dot)net.

I'll see you all in the fullness of time. Our best to you, from Marcie and I.