Tuesday, November 6, 2007

A Hard Day

Today has been one of the toughest "normal" days I have had since Marcie passed. I forced myself to go back to work on Monday, which has actually worked out by getting my mind on other things for a time during the day. However, this morning I simply did not want to do anything.

I got up and trudged in anyway. I worked on little things, caught up on some projects and set my mind to "work mode." I looked into grants for the school district's programs and lingered over dead ends. My heart wasn't into it.

I decided I was hungry today, for both food and a moment of Marcie, so I headed over to Lalo's Tacos (review), one of Marcie's favorites, for fish tacos with all the trimmings, another Marcie favorite.

I enjoyed it in a sad way, but I missed a meeting doing that, though it was rescheduled. I have to get it together.

I got back to my desk to find a message stating that Marcie's death certificates were available, which did nothing for me but cause me stress and make me not want to pick them up. It's a very official, coldly bureaucratic piece of paper that satisfies all of society's stingy and cynical paper potentates that our loss is properly documented and not subject to suspicion real, imagined or procured from spite.

Heaven forbid someone die without being allowed to by the powers that be, that collect and that jealously withhold whatever there is such an event entitles us to. Whatever it is, it certainly isn't dignity or respect.

More on what I will do as a permanent memorial for Marcie tonight.



Tanya said...

Just catching up on the blog. Sometimes it's just so much emotion to read. Anyhow, your words are so well written.