Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Anniversary thwarted

So the anniversary came and went, but my account would not let me log in. Hmm... perhaps a sign?

No, not a sign at all :) My previous home account changed and was delayed. In addition to a nice meal and a bottle of wine, our anniversary generally meant Marcie and I would review the year.

All I have to go on is what she decided to give me in the last months we had. Basically, she foreshadowed a lot of what I have come to understand and live through.So, without further ado, a conversation for Marcie about all the things that she knew and I doubted.

Lessons To Remember:

You told me I was a tough nut to crack, and I believe you now. You meant people would misunderstand me, especially my ferocity and passion. You said I was stronger than most women could or would even try to handle, and I wanted to doubt you.

I see what you mean. I don't fall for simplistic manipulations, and I also don't let them go, but rather call them out. People prefer that others play the game. I promise I won't.

On the other hand, I have been a bit frosty lately. I am trying to soften, to be more open, to be less crystalline and to be accepting of the foolishness people indulge in. I am making progress in that way.

I made a lot of progress with someone who I knew was a tough nut herself. I learned what I could.

I move forward and am finding that the simple calculus you applied... that all people have potential in their minds, lives, and hearts, and in unequal amounts, has validity. I opened a heart. It will blossom. I opened my mind. It will not overcome my heart, though.

That is always what you worried about, that some person would wring me dry and leave me broken. You were right to worry, more to say so, and good to me in that you just offered your wisdom. But I think I know what has value, and I am stronger than that. I recognize my worth.

And if I open a heart or two that was closed, then we'll share that passing joy and sigh in my dreams when you come. On this anniversary, your gentleness and ferocity of spirit reminds me that to all there is a moment, be it glory or comeuppance.

But you remind me that, no matter the injury or the depth of someone's fall, there is redemption in love, and it must always be on offer.

Thank you for yours, my sweet.


Anonymous said...

Courageous and compassionate work Frank. Moments of Marcie has made Marcie proud. It has made us all proud. No man who ever lived could have done more.

Lana Banana said...

so poignant and powerful and beautiful.

happy new year. be well.